The Successor of Despair
by DarthPhoenixVII
Summary: Toko doesn't interfere during the climax of Ultra Despair Girls. Monaca's plan succeeds and Komaru assumes the title of the True Ultimate Despair. Rated M for Danganronpa.
1. Prologue

"Who cares anymore?"

The words came unbidden to my lips.

"No matter what happens to adults... No matter what happens to children..."

My grip on the controller tightened as I couldn't help but speak in harsher and harsher tones.

"No matter what happens to this town, no matter what happens to the world..."

Every sentence I spoke was an attempt to make sense of these unfamiliar feelings flooding my entire being, I wrestled for something meaningful I could convey to the people in the room, to the people watching me on a screen, but most importantly to myself.

Finally I managed to form a sentence that rang true to my own ears.

"I don't give a damn anymore! I don't give a damn!"

My shout rang throughout the room and I felt a sliver of satisfaction, now that the truth of my emotions was known not only to the adults I had rallied here, but to the entire world.

Even now i could hear the faint chanting of **"Kill! Kill! KILL!"** all the way on top of the building that served as the climax of my adventure.

"K-Komaru!" The concerned voice of Toko managed to break me out of my internal musings and I picked myself up, gripping the controller tightly. For all her faults Toko was my friend and had helped me reach this point. She of all people deserved an explanation.

"Toko... I'm sorry, I...It's impossible..." I struggled to find the words that would make her understand...The elusive sentence that could convey to her what had truly broken me.

Choking back my tears was hard but I finally managed to voice the truth burning my soul from the inside.

"I... I can't become like Makoto..." There I had said it.

Toko's stunned silence told me that she understood my words. After spending so much time together it didn't surprise me all that much.

Our adventure through Towa City had been plagued with despair after despair, but with her help I had always been able to hold on to the hope that I could see it through to the end...

Now that seemed like nothing but a bad joke to me.

After all it **could always** get worse...It **WOULD ALWAYS** **get WORSE!**

"...This was all determined from the very start." Monaca Towa decided to speak up once again.

"The hope you felt was just for the sake of making you feel the worst kind of despair."

I understood that now. Every little success, every little piece of respite I had earned...

**All of it** planned out by a little kid...

"I knew from the beginning that you would fall into despair."

Without even attempting any token resistance now, I raised the controller above my head.

Time itself seemed to stop in anticipation.

Tightening my grip the words Monaca had uttered earlier rang within my mind:

_"Break the controller and start a war."_

I **KNEW **what would happen if I didn't stop myself. It had been spelled out in complete detail only minutes ago after all...

_"Headless children everywhere!"_

A resurgence of the war between Hope and Despair.

And **ME** the Successor to Junko Enoshima – the TRUE Ultimate Despair reborn.

The horrible thought managed to instill the slightest bit of denial in me for a moment.

My eyes quickly scanned the room for anyone, **anything** that would capitalize on this moment.

Kotoko kept whispering softly to herself "Please! Don't make me lose my friends! Don't make me lose my friends.." over and over again, and while she didn't want me to break the controller, it was for completely selfish reasons. She was simply desperate to keep the many brainwashed children under her influence. The things she had put me through didn't particularly help me in considering her case either.

Haiji looked at me like he couldn't wait for the fireworks to start. Of course the fact that these specific fireworks would be comprised of several hundreds, perhaps even thousands of - technically innocent- children's heads exploding only seemed to excite him even more.

Monaca simply stared knowingly at me, no longer urging me on, as if she knew that nothing would ever change the outcome of this situation.

The fact that I thought the same only added to the numb feeling that had spread throughout my entire body.

Finally my eyes snapped to the only friend I had been able to rely on in this town. The one I had truly expected to do **something** by now...

Toko held her eyes closed and was chewing on her finger... I recognized the habit as an expression of her deep anxiety, however the fact that she wasn't saying anything led me to believe that she truly intended this to be **MY** choice. Did she still believe that I would change my mind at this point? That I even could?

And even if I did... My gaze met Monaca's **empty** stare. If I held on to this tiny sliver of hope that refused to accept my **fate**, Monaca would simply play yet another card that she had prepared.

**Despair upon Despair**...

I took a breath...and I let my last resistance go.

Time resumed.

And as the controller shattered on the ground, the mass of people that had been screaming at me to **KILL** broke into a massive cheer while explosions started all over the city.

I couldn't take any of this in however, as the sound of breaking plastic seemed to echo in the deepest reaches of my soul.


	2. Falling Hope

_Why is everything so silent?_

As I looked at the remains of the broken controller on the ground, that was all I could think of. I was aware of my laboured breathing, the sniffles that escaped me and the sound of my tears dropping onto the floor and yet...

_Why is **that** all I can hear?_

The almost random thought managed to rouse me and I finally tore my eyes away from the ground to look at the others. Two people had tears in their eyes and couldn't seem to bring themselves to even look at the proof of my actions in front of me. The other two had satisfied smiles on their faces, although the lone male in the room seemed more relieved than anything; a heavy tension in his shoulders was slowly draining away, replaced by a more relaxed stance.

_Why is no one saying anything?_

At last I heard it...The cheers of adults celebrating the fireworks of their salvation. The sound of thousands of Monokumas shutting down was drowned out by the shock waves of explosion after explosion, each one a herald of yet another child dying at their saviours hands. **My **hands.

And they **cheered**.

My gaze drifted to Monaca. She had yet to say anything either, seemingly content listening to Kotoko's open weeping and flinching whenever an explosion could be heard. While I was staring into her eyes, I forced myself to listen to the world outside. I **needed** to listen. This was after all **my doing...My fault.** The cacophony lasted longer than I had expected, and the booming and cheering from outside slowly melted together with Kotoko's cries of distress and Haiji's occasional triumphant chuckle in the room. To me hoewever it all started sounding like meaningless white noise. The sounds kept coming and **coming**, but I couldn't make sense of any of it any more. Was I supposed to cheer like the adults? Or should I finally break down and start crying in earnest like Kotoko? As I continued to struggle with my confusing emotions, the lump of anxiety inside me only seemed to grow with every passing second. Eventually I clutched my hands to my chest in a futile effort to relief my anxiety. From within my whirling thoughts I only managed to produce one thought clear enough to process:

_What now? _

As the explosions finally seemed to die down I couldn't help but relax a bit since this would finally be **over** soon...then Monaca's mouth twitched slightly and my heart clenched immediately even tighter, fearing something even worse was about to happen. The sound of a lone detonation ended ringing in my ears, but my insides seemed to vibrate slightly longer in the long ensuing silence. The heavy anticipation in my heart slowly melted away.

_It's done..._

Finally Monaca smiled a true smile, our eyes still locked. Then as if timed perfectly with the relief that I would no longer be tortured by listening to the consequences of my actions, more explosions kept battering against my very soul, not as many as before, but quickly ending with longer and longer silences between blasts.

_**Stop**__...please..._

Every time my own voice berated me in my head, when I dared to hope that it would finally, **finally** end:_"Did you really think it would be __**that**__ easy? You deserve so much __**worse**__"_ The primal cheering of the crowd outside had changed to a chant that filled the silence between each and every loudly audible death: "Komaru Naegi! Komaru Naegi! Komaru Naegi!..."

**Demons.** I couldn't help but call them that. What else could I call them? They **relished** this...didn't they? They truly deserved the moniker the children had given them...**Demons**.

_If they are demons what does that make **me**? They are like this...**because of me**...aren't they?_

I refused to acknowledge the thought, as at last the explosions truly came to a stop.

It was **over**...right? I...I was done...right? At the moment I wanted nothing more than to hide myself in the covers of my bed and cry myself to sleep. Maybe...maybe all of this was just a bad dream and everything would be fine when I finally woke up? I would gladly take boring imprisonment over this. When would this **nightmare **end? Just please let me be done with this...

"You did a great job big sis!" Monaca's cheerful exclamation brought my mind back to **reality**. Of course it **wasn't** a dream...this was...this...was... "Komaru!" Finally Toko decided to speak up." I-It doesn't matter what happened here today!" The very notion of her sentence caused my jaw to drop. I could do nothing but stare dumbly at Toko as she continued her speech. "None of it is your fault! It was all this messed up brat!" She pointed angrily towards Monaca. This didn't seem to bother her all that much and the happy smile she wore on her face caused me to tremble slightly as she calmly responded."What are you talking about? Big sis was the one who killed all the children. She knew what would happen, but she did it anyway." "Th-That doesn't mean she wanted to! Y-You f-forced her to!" Toko's stutter as she attempted to refute the child, made me question how much she truly meant her words."Komaru isn't the one who put those helmets on the kids in the first place! She n-never wanted to have a-anything to do with this!" While a part of me couldn't help but appreciate her efforts, a much bigger part seemed to scream the words Monaca spoke next before she even opened her mouth. A truth no amount of denial could cover up. "When why didn't she leave?" "H-huh?" Toko quickly lost her momentum as she processed the words. "Remember? At the shrine with Nagisa. She could have left then. But she chose not to. Do you know why big sis Komaru stayed? It was you." "B-but-" "She felt like she couldn't leave you behind despite how you betrayed her trust. You helped her soooo much after all. A friend doesn't leave her friend behind. Such hopeful thoughts." "But I-" "It's like I said earlier:

_"Hope isn't always a good thing"_. Big sis understands those words better than anyone now. You on the other hand, should be very happy, because you held up your end of the bargain..." She quickly reached under the folds of her skirt and retrieved a key. "Congratulations Toko you can free your beloved Byakuya Togami now, you can safely flee Towa City and get your perfect happy ending."With those words she tossed the key into the arms of Toko, who automatically caught it with stunned eyes.

"B-But...this isn't wha-" "This is **exactly** what you wanted. You completed your quest, so now you can save your prince. You readily sacrificed the pawn to save your king. You won." "Komaru isn't some pawn in your game!" Toko's angry shout seemed to surprise Monaca just as much as me. I couldn't help but totally focus my attention on my friend."K-Komaru doesn't deserve any of this...If anything I'M responsible for allowing her to make a choice that she couldn't handle on her own. I should have helped her...I-I should have helped my friend." Finally Toko turned to look at me. "I'm sorry Komaru. It's my fault you're hurting right now. I-I won't ever abandon you again. I'm your friend after all" I could barely croak out a response to her heartfelt words and the genuine smile on her face. "T-Toko...th-thank you." I managed to show her a shadow of a smile myself.

_As long as I have you...maybe...maybe it will all turn out all right after all._

"Hmm...I wonder about that." Monaca playfully put her hand on her chin in a thinking position. That was all it took for me to break out into a cold sweat._ No...please __**stop**__._ "You might say that you would never abandon big sis, but what if your beloved Byakuya were in terrible danger?" "W-What?" Toko quickly turned toward the child. "What is that supposed to mean?" As if in explanation the very building started to shake in an odd a rhythmic pattern. Our shared confusion didn't last long as a giant shadow stepped into view. _No... _Big Bang Monokuma stood ominously before us, his giant jagged eye glowing a threatening bloody red. _Even __**him**__?_

The giant Monokuma raised his scepter and with a booming **Puhuhuhu!** the side of the building was split open with a simple swing.

Dust and debris filled the room, as the noise drowned out the shocked cries of everyone sans Monaca and I was forced to close my eyes and fell into a coughing fit. Before I could fully regain my bearings a second impact rattled the ceiling above me. A worried Toko shouted my name and I was suddenly yanked away from where I had been standing. I heard more than I saw the large piece of the ceiling that fell down all around my previous location. For the next few seconds all I could do was cover myself as more and more parts of the building collapsed. Finally the Monokuma stopped it's aussault and it ended.

Still fighting to stop my coughing I cried out as best I could. "Toko? Toko are you okay?" The lack of an immediate response made me frantic."Toko ! Please say something!" Finally I received an answer. "I'm fine! But this stupid stuff is everywhere!" The sound of an impact followed by that of debris moving followed. "Aargh! I-I can't get to you! You're cut off from us. Can you get through from your side?" Only now did I realize my position. Toko had inadvertently brought me towards the hole that had opened up in the building, but once the ceiling had started collapsing it had brought down all the sections that were weakened from the first strike on the building. The result was exactly what Toko had described. I was cut off. The collapsed ceiling formed a barrier all around my front, while my back was toward the huge drop that awaited me if I was careless. And I couldn't find any openings on my side either. For the moment I was alone.

**PUHUHUHU!**

Terror once again gripped my heart. _No...of course I wasn't alone._

A quick glance was all I could manage before the sinister glare of Big Bang Monokuma caused me to rush for the debris trapping me on this impromptu balcony. Frantically I started digging away at the barrier. Desperate I shouted:" Toko! Toko I need your help! The Monokuma is right here! Please you have to help me get through here!" A curse and a quick shout at Haiji to finally make himself useful told me she had heard me. Shortly after that, I could hear digging from the other side accompanied by Toko's voice. "Don't worry this won't take long, j-just stay calm!" That was easier said when done, since I could hear the massive Monokuma wind up for another attack.

Fortunately my recently developed combat instincts kicked in. Turning around I reached for my hacking gun and shouted with more calmness than I truly felt. **"Break!"** Not bothering to wait for the little _*click*_ that signalled the change in the hacking settings, I immediately started to pull the trigger over and over again, aiming at the giant glowing eye that was the weak spot common in all the Monokumas I had battled before. Despite its massive size the hits seemed to stun the behemoth and it staggered backwards slightly. Unsure if it would be able to actually affect my enemy, I tried to capitalize on the moment.**"Burn!"** _*click* _A hail of crimson rained upon the motionless eye and despite my expectations I saw sparks erupting from the impact points. Slowly all the things that had troubled me left my mind and a sense of calm came over me. _It's just like all the others. You can do this Komaru!_ Ignoring the concerned voices that had grown slightly more audible, I stepped away from the wall separating me from the others and moved to stand in the middle of my little outcropping. Gripping my hacking gun with renewed determination I awaited the next move my adversary would make.

A short burst of yellow erupting within the eye was all the warning I got, before a wave of electricity spewed from the mouth towards the outer edge of my platform. Before I could will my legs to carry me backwards, my body seized up from the shock and I dropped to my knees in pain. Breathing heavily I failed to muster the strength to stand. Not stopping to wait for me, Big Bang Monokuma raised his scepter and a cyan glow overcame his eye this time. To my astonishment the top of his "weapon" detached itself from the main shaft and flung itself towards me like a massive wrecking ball. My hesitation lasted barely half a second, before my prior experience caused me to call out my next command.**"Knockback!" **_*click* _Waiting slightly longer than I truly felt comfortable, I pulled the trigger just before the ball could flatten me. Immediately, the code I had injected into, what must have been a remote controlled bomb of some kind, caused it to turn against it's former master and collided into the sparking eye with a great bang. Stumbling slightly, I used the Monokuma's brief inability to act to pick myself up from the ground on shaky legs. Surveying the damage I had inflicted so far, I noticed the cracked glass of the eye as well as the smoke that had started to rise from the exposed electronics. _Not much more to go. He's almost done._

Another angry flash of yellow alerted me and I instinctively knew what to do. As I hastily stepped back to avoid the electronic "breath", the lingering after-effects the shock had inflicted on me caused me to fall onto my butt, luckily I had managed to land just outside of the area of effect. I quickly aimed my hacking gun at the exposed electronics in Monokuma's cracked eye.**"Paralyze"** _*click* _I pulled the trigger. The giant metallic groan that I heard just after my attack landed, convinced me that if I hadn't won already, it would only take a little bit more effort. The sluggish movements of the machine proved that it wasn't quite done yet however and I searched for the opportunity I needed to put this monster down for good. Frustratingly it seemed that some Monokuma's could learn after all. As the metallic bear turned to me once more it carefully held it's empty hand protectively over the point I had exploiting up until now. Before I knew it, he raised his scepter once more as if threatening to smash me and the building once and for all. Thinking quickly I tried to end this before it came to that.**"Move!" **_*click* _Shooting my hacking gun at the covered weak point; I saw the weapon begin it's descend towards me slightly faster than the arm that moved to obey the command of my gun. Scooting backwards I frantically called out **"Break!" **_*click*_

The massive scepter shattered the ground just before me.

Toko's frantic shout barely reached my ears as I desperately clung to the piece of floor I had been lying on. The ground beneath me seemed to groan and crumble and before I could do anything but shout my friends name, I was falling through the damaged part of the building before it turned into a free-fall towards the rapidly approaching street.

A detached part of myself noted that my journey had started by falling from a helicopter.

It seemed the climax of the story would end by falling from a building.

I wondered if there had been any point in this journey there I **hadn't** been falling.


	3. Baptism

I slowly faded back into consciousness only to wince as a sharp pain shot through the right side of my torso when I shifted my body. Calming my breathing as best I could, I attempted to sit up without further agitating the injury I had sustained in my fall. Checking myself over, I noticed several small cuts and bruises on my arms and legs. As I rubbed my head to dispel the remaining grogginess from my mind, I discovered a wet spot in my hair. Evidently I had suffered some form of head injury as well, but since I didn't seem to have any problems besides a growing headache, I concluded it had to be a minor one. Spotting my hacking gun lying just a short distance away from me I thought myself quite lucky to come away from my fall in such a good state.

_**Lucky**...heh. Maybe I am somewhat like Makoto after all..._

No, Makoto wasn't the brother I had grown up with anymore.

_He's the **Ultimate** **Hope **now. And while I tried to be like him so, so much, I ended up...I had..._

NO! There were more important things now. I had to concentrate. Where was Big Bang Monokuma? What happened to the others? Immediately I looked up and it didn't take long to spot the giant bear towering directly above me. From what little I could see from this angle, it seemed Big Bang Monokuma had stopped attacking and was simply staring at the spot I had fought him from previously.

_He must think that I died. For some reason he must have wanted to kill only me. He doesn't seem to care about the others at all. _As I considered the situation, I noticed something about Big Bang Monokuma's stance that caused me to gasp in surprise, which immediately resulted in another wave of pain from my injury. The arm no longer covered the heavily damaged eye. Stealing a glance at my hacking gun, I observed my enemy once more. When even after a minute nothing happened, I began to slowly shuffle towards my weapon, ready to play dead any second if he decided to check for me after all.

_I can still get him!_

After a painful couple of minutes trying to minimize the pounding of my heart as well as that of my injured ribs, a sudden commotion from above caused me to stop. "Komaru! Komaru are you okay? Can you hear me?" Toko's frantic shouting almost caused me to reply before I thought better of it. _I'm sorry Toko. But I can't reveal myself just yet. I have to do this! _"Komaru! Please, tell me you're okay! I'll...I'll come down, don't worry. Just... just stay where you are and I'll find you!" Although Toko's concerned shouts were hard to listen to, I managed to stop myself from alerting Big Bang Monokuma to my presence and continued my slow shuffling atop the debris.

Finally I reached my hacking gun and picked it up. Looking at my target I cursed under my breath. From my new position I had no way of hitting the weak point and I really didn't like the idea of making another trip, especially since my headache had grown worse during the time it took me to get here. _I might not be able to aim properly by the time I get into position._ In fact the edges of my vision had already grown somewhat blurry. Perhaps my head injury was worse than it first had seemed. The thought of simply waiting for Toko crossed my mind but I shook it off.

_Big Bang Monokuma is after **me**. So I'll finish this **myself.** _Shaking my head to free it of the haziness as best I could, I aimed my hacking gun towards the spot I anticipated the giant jagged eye to be in, once I started my plan.

_Breaking the controller might not have gotten rid of you..._

I took a breath as deep as my wound would allow.

_...but __**I'll destroy **__you all the same!_

**"BREAK!"**

Big Bang Monokuma immediately responded to the sound of my voice. However as he slowly moved to look at me all I felt was a cold empty terror in my heart.

"No! No! NO!" Where was the sound that signaled the change in my hacking settings? I grew increasingly frantic as I pulled the trigger over and over to no avail.

The gun was not firing.

The gun was not firing!

**The gun was not firing!**

**"Burn!" **Nothing...

**"Paralyze!" Nothing!**

Big Bang Monokuma was finally standing poised for his attack against me. He slowly raised his foot and brought it forward in a an awkward mimicry of a football player.

**"No**...please! TOKO **HELP ME!"**

My shout for help went unheard and I cried out in pain as I was launched backwards through the air. I somehow managed to hold onto my hacking gun until I collided with the wet ground and the shock of the impact forced me to drop it at my side. Clutching at the stinging pain, I now had to deal with the addition of an annoying sticky feeling covering most of my body.

_Wait...sticky? And why is the ground **wet**? Ugh! And this horrible smell of- _My eyes shot open.

Blood.

It was everywhere...

Blood.

All around me in all directions filling the entire alley I had landed in.

Blood.

**THEIR BLOOD!**

It filled my entire world. No matter where I looked, I saw **their blood**. And then I noticed the **dead children** scattered all over the alley. I could see the **stumps** of their necks just below where their **heads** should have been. The heads that **I had taken** from them. No matter how tightly I closed my eyes and voiced my denial, I could still smell it all. I could **see it all. **I could **feel them** lying all around me. I **felt** the **color**...

!**!RED!**

**I did this.**

**Puhuhuh!** The gleeful, booming laughter of Big Bang Monokuma made me realize.

I had only survived so far because he had wanted me to see **this**. He had wanted me to **understand**.

And I finally did.

And because I understood, **now** he would finally **kill me**.

The remaining parts of the giant jagged eye glowed **blood red** as he slowly raised his scepter for - what I **knew** to be- the **final time**.

And in that moment nothing could have been more welcome to me.

A broken hollow laugh escaped my lips.

**"Hehe...I see now."** I picked the blood-coated hacking gun back up from the ground beside me and gripped it tightly. It had brought me this far and I felt that** it should meet it's end when I met mine.**

**"So this...this is Despair"**

_*click*_

More by instinct than by choice I pulled the trigger when I heard the familiar sound.

Immediately a purplish-black sphere shot out and made it's way towards Big Bang Monokuma. As if guiding itself, the ball of energy flew towards the exposed electronics of the damaged eye. I half expected the giant machine to explode in a massive fireball, however the bear instead simply ceased all movements instantly. The red eye stopped glowing and as if to lament his demise Big Bang Monokuma gave one last "**Puhu**huhuuu" before completely shutting down. I stared at the inert bear, fully expecting him to have pretended just to taunt me.

_**What kind of program was THAT supposed to be anyway? **__**For all the flashiness that was pretty underwhelming...**_

Moments later however, more and more parts of the machine started to fall apart. Metal plates started to shed away from the main body and the inner electronic parts started to fall through the gaps. It felt like I was seeing a robotic corpse decaying in fast-forward before my very eyes. Transfixed by the sight I at first failed to notice Big Bang Monokuma's scepter falling away from it's now defunct master. As I noticed the shadow of the falling weapon that threatened to crush me however, I only smiled.

_**Heh! Of course I get to die like this. **__**By beating my enemy in a surprise twist, I end up causing my own death anyway. **__**Despair upon Despair.**_

Once again however, death seemed unwilling to take me on this day. A blur passed over me and intercepted the object that had been about to flatten me. The weapon was forced off course with a great impact and ended up crashing several meters away from me, while my savior landed by my side. Expecting to see Genocide Jack, I was taken aback by the sight of the person who had saved my life. It was a young man, maybe slightly older than me. His hair was ridiculously long and he was wearing a well tailored black suit that was completely devoid of blood, despite landing in the alley that had caused my own clothes to be permanently ruined. The most striking feature however were his emotionless face and a pair of bright red eyes.

_**Who the hell is THIS guy?**_

He seemed to scrutinize me for a moment but before I could open my mouth to speak, he caught something that had fallen out of the head of the still decaying Big Bang Monokuma. Surprised, it took me a moment to speak. **"Shirokuma? That was you?"**A snort escaped me,** "Of course, I should have known. You were in on all of this too weren't you?"** Shirokuma ignored my rhetorical question and spoke with my rescuer instead. "Well, well...who would have thought that those kids would actually pull it off? A successor for Despair hmm...what do you think?" The man simply spared another glance at me before finally speaking in a monotone voice.

"I suppose...she **might **be interesting after all." He moved quicker than I could react and before I knew it, I felt a quick jab and everything went black.


	4. A gilded cage

I regained consciousness only to feel an unexpected softness and warmth surrounding me. Pleasantly surprised, I cuddled deeper into sheets of the wonderful comfort that was a real bed. Unlike the beds that I had slept in at the Resistance Base or even the one that I had to use during my captivity, this was a king size bed that seemed specifically crafted to bring the greatest comfort possible. Indulging myself in the many pillows that laid beneath my head, it took me some time before the questions that burned at the back of my mind became to hard to ignore.

"Where am I?" Sitting up I scanned the rest of the room I had awoken in. Several shelves filled with reading material stood directly to the left of me. Spotting several of my favorite manga series forced me to avert my gaze, I could not let myself get distracted now. The rest of the wall was taken up by a massive window that was currently letting in small amounts of gentle sunlight despite the curtains being drawn. Right next to the window on the wall opposite of me, I spotted a wooden door and I resolved myself to try it as soon as I could.

Gazing even further right, I saw something that caused my jaw to drop in disbelief. "Are those... gaming consoles?" A generous amount of the room had been reserved for a recreational area. Two comfortable looking armchairs as well as a sofa that was pushed up to a big table, were all turned towards a massive flat-screen television that was seemingly hooked up to every gaming console ever made. The shelves filled with rows upon rows of games took up almost half of the right wall.

Furthermore I made out yet another door, followed by a big dressing table that was flanked by two cupboards that I presumed to be full of clothing. Lastly, directly to the right side of my bed was a night stand that was covered with a couple of handheld gaming consoles,a lamp, as well as several bottles of water and a pile of...granola bars? "What is this place?"

Musing about the nature of the room, I brought myself to the edge of the bed. It was then, that I noticed that I was wearing silky soft pajamas, that were hugging my curves a little more closely than I would usually be comfortable with. Beneath my sleepwear I could feel that my injured ribs had been neatly dressed in bandages. The thought of someone undressing me, seeing me naked, and bathing me while I was unconscious, caused me to turn bright red in embarrassment. Only the thought that it had been necessary, considering the state I had been, comforted me a little. After all the treatment seemed to have worked, as I could move without causing me any pain now.

_Wait...I was injured?_

"What is going on? What happened?" Still somewhat confused I tried to think back. I did my best to remember the events that had led me to this unfamiliar room. The memories however, came to me with an odd feeling of disconnect. As if everything had happened to someone else, rather than me, I saw my confrontation with Monaca and then Big Bang Monokuma play out in front of me. At first I felt rather proud of myself for fighting as well as I did, however as I remembered the last parts of the fight, a shadow of that **empty **feeling crept up inside of me as well. Immediately I tried to stop the flow of memories by focusing on the room around me with clenched fists.

"Wow, I was really messed up, wasn't I?" While I had felt fine a moment ago, now waves of **terror** shot though my body and I had to suppress the urge to vomit when a sea of **red** flashed before my eyes. Desperate to escape the spreading **numbness **in my heart, I stood up and hastily made my way towards the door that was closer to the bed. I needed a distraction. After a deep breath I took hold of the handle.

"What are the odds of you being unlocked?" The situation reminded me of my imprisonment and so I was pleasantly surprised when door opened without even a creak of protest. The sight of the room however caused me to gasp in wonder at it's splendor. It was clearly a bathroom, however I had never even dreamed that such luxurious bathrooms even existed.

The tiled floor was immaculate and it's white color was heavily accented with gold. In the corners opposite of me, I spotted a toilet and a big shower respectively. To my left side a full length mirror and a shelf filled with various toiletries occupied another corner, while to my right I spotted a little chute that was simply labeled "Laundry", next to an opening in the wall that reminded me of a kitchen elevator. The most striking feature however was a regal bath in the center of the room. It was so big that I was actually tempted to call it a pool. A myriad of different bath additives and settings for the bathwater itself seemed to be available as well. Stunned by all this unfamiliar luxury, I simply stood in the doorway unable to bring myself to go inside.

"Wow...who lives in this place, some sort of princess?" Still uncomfortable, I decided that I should finish exploring before setting foot into this room."Well, at least not until I need to go in there anyway." Talking to myself seemed to help in focusing my thoughts on the present. The dreaded memories had finally faded into the back of my mind.

Closing the door, I stepped away from the bathroom and made my way towards the door I had yet to examine. Looking pointedly away from the shelves of distracting games to my right, my gaze landed on the curtain covering the window. "Hmm...maybe I should at least find out where I am first."

I altered my path and stepped up to the curtain. The **red** color of the curtain, threatened to overwhelm me with unwelcome **memories** once again, so I quickly grabbed the overlapping edges in the middle and took a deep calming breath. With closed eyes, I steeled myself against the bubbling nausea as best I could. "Okay...okay...you just need to look outside and look for anything familiar. Stay calm Komaru! You can do this!" Despite my heavily beating heart, I managed to throw my arms to my sides. I opened my eyes.

**Disaster. **That was the word that first made it's way into my mind, as my eyes took in the outside world. The window allowed me to look at Towa City in it's entirety, and after spending so much time seeing all the damage up close, I was now able to take in **everything** at once. **Destroyed** buildings and infrastructure could be seen throughout the **entire city**. Several fires were still visible in some parts of the town. As I could barely make out the defunct cars blocking the streets, I was fortunately spared from seeing any of the **corpses **that I knew to litter the street.

Neither the **corpses **of adults that had been slain **in my name**, nor the **corpses** of the children that **I had killed**.

**But I knew they were there.**

My heartbeat increased as I kept scanning the city without actually seeing anything. Ignoring the rubble, I searched for anything unusual, desperate for anything that would give me a clue about what exactly was going on inside the city now, anything that would show that things turned out all right in the end. For the longest time I didn't see anything of note and my panic continued to grow. Then **I saw HIM! **

Some of the wreckage of Big Bang Monokuma was visible behind a building. I recognized it as the very same building I had scaled together with Toko before my showdown with Monaca. "Toko...**I'm sorry.**" Not quite knowing what exactly I was apologizing for, my gaze drifted towards the ground. I **didn't want** to look. I didn't want to see** them**...**did I?**

_**I need to. **__** I...want to...right? I killed them, now I want to see them...that...that's the least I can do for them now.**_

**"I...can't see them." **Suddenly, the spell was broken and I collapsed to the ground crying. Heavy sobs rattled me as I hugged myself against the wall. "What...what is **wrong** with me?" Had I really wanted to see **that **again? Why? WHY? **"WHY?"**

A strange mixture of both relief and disappointment permeated every cell in my body. I kept crying for minutes, but the question of "_why?"_ went unanswered.

After I regained some composure, all I was left with was a numbness in my heart. An unnatural calmness that had come over me allowed me to stand up and face the window again. After one last glance at the city, I grabbed the red curtains without flinching and sealed the view outside once more. As I stepped away from the window, I finally snapped back into reality. "Huh? How did I..." I felt disoriented. Why was I standing next to the bed? "When did I get back here?" Looking back and forth between the bed and the door that I had originally wanted to check, my gaze stopped on the mattress. I could check the door whenever I wanted to. But now I felt tired.

_So very tired._

I crawled into the bed and cuddled into the blanket. For now I just wanted to rest. Just for a little while.


	5. Captivity

_I floated weightless in an empty space. Meaningless noise echoed in the infinite darkness.  
No, not meaningless noise. Voices. Thousands of voices speaking at the same time.  
What were they saying? Straining myself to understand them, I slowly managed to filter out a single voice over the others.  
It was a man. He spoke with great conviction, as if he was privy to an ancient truth, that nobody else could understand._

_"It's all thanks to you... You are hope itself to us..."_

It was Haiji's voice. He just kept repeating himself over and over again.

"_You are hope itself to us. You are hope itself to us."  
_More and more voices joined him in a massive chorus.  
"_You are hope. You are hope! You are Hope!"_

The black expanse I was floating in vanished and I suddenly found myself somewhere else.  
It was an alley.  
It was THE alley.

_"You are hope!"  
_I blinked, suddenly the empty alley was filled with kids. They were wearing Monokuma helmets.  
_"You are Hope!"  
_In response to the loud chant, the kids huddled together in fear.  
They knew what was about to happen.

_"You are HOPE!"_

The kids were helpless, unable to do anything to prevent their fate.

**"HOPE!"**

Suddenly, the chanting stopped. Then a girl's voice filled the silence.

**"Hope isn't always a good thing."**

The sound of shattered plastic filled the world.  
A blinding explosion enveloped me for a second.  
I drowned in a sea of blood.

* * *

I woke up screaming.  
Gasping for breath, all I could perceive was the hammering of my own heart.  
I held my shaking hands to my chest, but it took me a long time to gain some measure of control over my breathing. Wiping the sweat from my face, I tried to hold onto the fading remains of my nightmare, but all that remained of it was an unsettling dread. Despite that, I could tell that it must have been my worst nightmare in quite some time._  
_"Even when the kids were trying to kill me, did I not have any nightmares."  
_Although I had Toko with me then. _

Still my sound sleeping had always been something that I had been able to hold over Makoto's head when we were younger.  
The number of times he had sneaked into my room after having bad dreams, were my second favorite teasing material even years after he had stopped doing it.  
"The best one will always be his bed-wetting though." I managed a small smile.

The thought of my brother's embarrassed face finally calmed me down completely. "I wonder what the dream was about? Although, it's not like I am short on nightmare fuel." _It's more like I'll have enough for the rest of my life._ Getting up from my bed I cringed at my clingy nightwear. "Ugh! I guess I'll need to use the shower after all." I threw a quick look into one of the cupboards to make sure that I would have something to change into, and made my way to the bathroom after I saw some skirts, shirts and cardigans as well as some underwear. _I just hope they actually fit me._

I stripped out of my sweaty pajamas, ripped off the bandages that still covered my ribs and sighed in relief as I finally stepped under the hot shower.  
As I cleaned myself, I couldn't help but think that this act, despite being completely ordinary, felt very odd after my time in Towa City.  
The small tingle of darkness in the back of my mind threatened to rear it's head as my thoughts drifted to the ruined city, however the relaxing smell of my shampoo and the gentle sound of dripping water kept it at bay. _This feels amazing. When I leave, I am really going to miss this. _

After I was done, I gave a contented sigh and dried myself with one of the towels that hung next to the shower. Using it to cover myself for now, I picked up my nightwear off the ground and put it into the laundry chute I had seen yesterday. It was then that I noticed that what I had previously taken for some sort of kitchen elevator, was now open and inside were my clothes. They were completely spotless and a note was next to it _"Laundry will always be clean the following morning"_

The unexpected sight caused me to question the nature of my imprisonment.  
"They actually cleaned my stuff for me? I thought it was gone for good. Why would they even go through all that trouble? Is this supposed to be an act of goodwill of something?"

The whole laundry setup seemed to be functioning and apparently willing to tend to my needs.  
Was this supposed to make me unwilling to escape? All of this started to feel more like a vacation than forced captivity.  
"They must really expect me to be here for a while though, huh?"  
_Now if I only knew, who "they" are... _All I knew was that the long haired man had likely been the one to bring me here.

Not about to complain about reuniting with my beloved uniform though, I shook off my confusion. I quickly put it on, ignoring the slight shaking of my hands that had started as soon as they touched it. This was not the shaking of someone who was overcome by the emotion of reclaiming a beloved piece of their own identity however.  
No, it was the darkness in the back of my mind reappearing once again. I bit my lip and forced myself to endure as my entire body seemed to become hyper-aware of the fabric on my skin. It felt drenched and sticky despite the cleaning it had undergone.

_It's just your uniform Komaru, get over it!  
_But no matter how hard I clenched my teeth, the uncomfortable feeling wouldn't go away.  
I couldn't handle this. _Make it go away!  
_Moments away from ripping my clothes off, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  
I looked normal. My pale face was the only thing that stood out to me as I looked at my reflection.  
There was no red.  
Just like that, the dark feelings faded and the comfortable smell of my freshly washed clothes enveloped me.  
_I am fine.__  
_

Repeating that to myself a couple of times, I scooped up the remains of the bandages that were still on the ground. Failing to spot a garbage can in the bathroom, I returned to the bedroom hoping that I had missed one in my brief investigation yesterday.  
Soon enough I discovered that the bottom of the bed stand had a plaque signed "Disposal".  
It could be opened up to reveal another chute just like the one in the bathroom. "Well, that's one thing taken care of."  
After I threw the bandages away, I paused uncertain. _What do I do now? _

The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth. Of course I knew what I should do now.  
I had done it countless times before. Why was I hesitating now?

I looked at the door that I had yet to even check. The chance of it being open, let alone allow my escape without resistance was of course absolutely ridiculous. _But still..._  
"I should at least try. Might as well hope for the best."

**Hope. **The word seemed to echo in my head, as if a crowd of voices had called out to me.  
I went stiff, and the sudden tension made it feel as if I would be attacked at any moment.

"No... Why? Why does this keep happening?"  
Why did I have all these stupid anxiety attacks now? After everything I had been through, I was supposed to be better than this. That's what Toko had always been upset about right? My endless whining when things got tough? I had left that behind me. I would not be that weak again!  
"I'm okay... I'm fine." My cracking voice felt empty to my ears. "Nothing's wrong. Just...just keep going, like you always do!"

_There are no problems.  
Nothing is wrong here!_

No, that won't help! It doesn't sound right...

_**I**__ don't have a __**problem**__._  
_**Nothing**__ is wrong with **me!**_

The cold metal of the door handle on my hand, brought me back to reality. "Huh?"

Once again, I had moved locations without ever realizing it.  
Before me, was the door that would undoubtedly lead to **freedom**.  
The door that I **knew** to be locked without ever having checked.  
My hand didn't move. No matter how hard I envisioned my hand to fruitlessly turn the handle, or saw myself pull the door open despite my expectations, it didn't change a thing.  
Despite the tears running down my face or the **screams** echoing in the back of my mind, I remained still.  
My hand **wouldn't** move.

Only after I finally let go of the door handle, did my heartbeat finally slow down.  
"I..." Wiping away the tears on my face, I wrestled for the words. "I'll check it later."  
_As soon as I stop shaking whenever I think about what happens if I leave._

It was okay to be a little scared.  
_I am fine._

I stepped away from the door and looked back at the room. Desperate for something to do, I walked into the recreational area. I hadn't investigated it yet after all.  
My gaze quickly focused on something unusual lying on the sofa. It was a letter. _Has that been here all this time? _The thought caused me to feel a sudden spike of anger.  
"Put that somewhere more obvious next time! Jeez..." My grumbling drowned out the rustling of the paper, as I raised the letter to my face.

_Komaru Naegi,_

_You are in a safe location.  
I provided you with sufficient nutrition to last until my return.  
Use the available amenities at your leisure._

I blinked. A frustrated growl escaped me. "That's it? Come on, at least give me your name!"  
Turning the letter around a couple of times to make sure I hadn't missed anything again, I concluded that my captor had indeed nothing else to say.  
"Why bother with the letter, if you're not gonna tell me anything?"_  
Who calls food nutrition anyway?_

The thought of eating, made me realize that I was actually quite hungry. I looked towards the food on the night stand. "Well, I guess it's snack time then."  
Grabbing a manga on the way, I laid myself back on the bed and began reading and eating at the same time.  
_The letter did say to enjoy myself after all._

I would take a little break and then I would deal with everything else.

* * *

I had quickly established a routine.

I would wake up screaming, plagued by nightmares that I could never remember. Then I would take a shower, put on my freshly cleaned uniform and have my breakfast of sweetened water and granola bars.

Although that's only what they looked like, because they certainly tasted like...more.  
They were absolutely delicious and, considering the wording of the letter, I could practically feel their "nutritional value" on my tongue.  
They were also remarkably good at keeping hunger at bay.

Afterwards I would go to the door for my token attempt at opening the way outside.  
I never managed more than to tighten my hand around the handle, but I liked to think that I was making progress regardless.  
Besides, I wouldn't be able to open it anyway, so it was fine either way.

When I was done with that, I would cheer myself up with manga for a couple of hours, and then try my hand at breaking my record for looking at the city.  
Currently, I estimated that record to be roughly 15 minutes, achieved by looking at the fringes of the city for most of the attempt before my gaze landed on Big Bang Monokuma, which always resulted in a panic attack.  
I still counted it, because I had looked outside and that was the only rule I had set for myself.

I was making progress.  
I would overcome this.  
_I was fine._

If I felt up to it, I would then make another attempt at the door, which always ended similarly to the morning. Afterwards I ended up spending the time with manga and games until dinner. When it got dark, I would challenge my record for looking at the city during the night, which always ended well since I couldn't see much of anything.

It still made me feel better every time.  
After all, if something were wrong with me, I wouldn't be able to look at the city at all.  
So I knew that I was fine.

On my fourth morning however my routine was finally broken.  
I had just aborted my latest attempt at opening the door with a frustrated kick against the wood and was about halfway to the manga shelf, when the sound of knocking stopped me in my tracks.

Having spent several hours imagining the previously announced return of my captor, I had come up with a couple of ways that I could approach the situation.  
Despite being strangely excited to meet the man in the suit, I needed to get answers from him.  
In the end I decided to stick to the polite route for now, so I answered as calmly as I could.  
"I'm decent, you can come in."

The door opened, but it wasn't the person I had been expecting.

The white haired, lanky frame of the young man, who had always simply called himself a servant, stood in the doorway with an overly friendly smile on his face.

"Why, hello there. It has been quite some time since we've last seen each other, hasn't it? Truly, I feel quite fortunate to have found you in this place. I hope you have been well."  
Not waiting for my approval he stepped inside, closing the door softly behind him.

I didn't say anything. All I could do was stare behind him. Neither the rattling of keys nor the sound of any other obstructions being removed, had preceded the opening of the door. The door had been open all along. _I could have left... _

Since I stayed silent, the "servant" spoke in my place.  
"I am very sorry for intruding like this, but we have some business to discuss."

_I could have left._


	6. Hope meets Despair

_I could have left._

The thought kept repeating over and over in my head. I couldn't focus on the man in the room, nor did I register anything he said.  
I kept staring behind him. My mind simply kept repeating itself. _I could have left.  
_For days I had tried to overcome my fears whenever my hand would touch the handle of the door.  
After each failure to even attempt to open the way, I had consoled myself that it didn't matter.  
The door was closed. To even do as much as I did showed that I was fighting.  
It proved to me that I hadn't given up.

A single action had shattered everything that I had come to believe in during my time here.  
The door had never been locked or obstructed in any way. The man in front of me had shown me as much when he had entered the room.  
He had opened the door as easily as I passed through the door to the bathroom. Nothing had ever stopped me from escaping.  
_I could have left._

But I had stayed.  
I hadn't even tried.  
_Why did I stay here?  
Why couldn't I bring myself to escape?  
_

"Komaru Naegi," when I heard my name I snapped out of it and quickly focused on the man before me.  
"I know that I am not terribly good at making conversation, but I would really appreciate it, if you could at least listen to me when I speak."  
I managed a small nod and waited for him to continue. When he saw that he had finally managed to gain my attention, he continued.  
"Thank you. As I said, we have some things that we must discuss."  
"Like what?" My voice was soft, subdued and I immediately resolved myself to act more assertive, this guy had shown himself to be an enemy after all.

"Several things really, but I suppose we should start with your performance. Specifically, at the end of your story."  
"Performance?" My voice naturally raised as my temper flared. "How can you call that a performance? Did you even see what happened?"  
His carefree smile grated on my nerves as he spoke.  
"Naturally. And so did all of the adults in Towa City, as well as everyone who happened to watch the worldwide broadcast that was transmitted at the time."  
I froze up, somehow I had completely forgotten that detail.

_Right. The whole world had seen me at the end, but... What had they seen exactly?  
_I needed to know. If they had been shown everything, wouldn't everyone understand that I was just a victim in all this?  
With as much force behind my words as I could muster, I demanded answers.  
"How much did they see exactly? **What **did they see?"

A small chuckle preceded his answer. "Nothing particularly noteworthy, besides your declaration that you were going to assume the position of Ultimate Despair." _What?  
_"I never said anything like that!" His frown gave me pause. "But you did. Everyone saw how Monaca gave you your options. Let a single town of rabid adults suffer, or kill helpless, brainwashed children and start a war in the name of Despair. It was quite captivating to watch honestly. It was a true test. Would our young heroine prevail or would she fall into the depths of despair?" He paused dramatically for a moment, before continuing.  
"Well, when you screamed "I don't care anymore!", everyone knew what your choice was obviously."

I clenched my hands tight, but I couldn't stop myself from screaming.  
"I didn't choose anything! I never wanted any of this! That's not even how it happened! I didn't break the controller because I wanted to start a war or kill the children! Monaca just kept goading me with worse and worse stuff and then she showed me my dead parents I just couldn't take it anymore!" At some point I had started crying, but it felt surprisingly good to finally get all of this off my chest. A sigh was all that escaped the man at first before he continued speaking in an almost bored manner.

"Well first of all, you didn't see your dead parents then." I could only gasp in shock and I waited for him to continue. Did he truly mean that?  
"I know, truly shocking isn't it? A simple fabrication like that was all it took to rob you of your hope. I truly expected more of you after I went to all the trouble to help you grow, I thought you would be able to resist such pathetic manipulations. Ahh...perhaps I misjudged your potential to become a shining beacon of hope after all. Despite all that you went through, you are still just a normal high-school girl who can't do anything right."

The insult barely even registered in my mind, as I was still reeling from the unexpected revelation."Those really weren't my parents? So they are still alive?"  
I got a raised eyebrow in response. "I never said that." The relief I had felt abruptly vanished. _What the heck is that supposed to mean? _  
Seeing my confusion, he continued. "I merely said that you didn't see your dead parents when you thought you did. Whether your parents are actually alive or not doesn't really matter anyways." Immediately furious once more, I began shouting in his face. "Of course it matters! They are my parents! I have to know if they are safe! I want to know where they are!"

Suddenly his tone became more serious, despite that he continued to smile cheerfully.  
"And that just proves that you are unable to be a true beacon of hope. If you truly were like your brother, you would be able to belief that your parents were alright without ever learning anything that might support that belief. Unfortunately you seem to be unable to do even that much. In the end it all comes down to one simple truth.  
You aren't Makoto Naegi the Ultimate Hope. You are Komaru Naegi the fledgling Ultimate Despair. That's all there is to it."  
_  
This guy is crazy! _ That's all I really seemed to learn from to listening to these ramblings. But one thing was definitely certain. I _can't let this stand!  
_After taking a short breath, I prepared myself to give him a piece of my mind.  
"I am NOT Ultimate Despair! I tried to help the people of Towa City! I tried to save the children! I wanted to be like my brother!  
Failing in the end doesn't make me some living incarnation of despair!" _I never gave up on any of that. He has to see that, doesn't he?_

As I spoke his smile became strained and his eyes seemed to shift and warp in a way that made Genocide Jack's intense eyes look tame and controlled. I couldn't help but shiver.  
_Something is really wrong with this guy. _He took a step closer, forcing me to back up towards the window instinctively. His unnerving grin started to give me serious goosebumps.

"Exactly!" My stunned silence only seemed to make him eager to explain. "You didn't become Ultimate Despair because you ended up killing the children.  
Even if that does start a war, it doesn't matter! Did I perhaps not explain it properly before? The greater the despair, the greater the hope that is born by overcoming it!  
You broke the controller just like you were supposed to, and you felt the despair of committing an act of mass-murder of innocent children just like you were supposed to!  
Your intentions don't matter, it just matters if you ended up bringing hope into the world!"  
He stopped grinning suddenly and I could detect nothing but malice towards me in his gaze now.  
I backed up further only to bump into the window. He followed and ended up directly in front of me. I couldn't move anywhere to escape him. I was trapped.  
His threatening tone sent shivers of fear up my spine as he spoke.

"No, you became Ultimate Despair the moment you failed to defeat the final boss. Your defeat at the hands of Big Bang Monokuma proved to the entire world that you have forsaken hope in the name of despair." _What the hell? How dare he? _Once again righteous anger surged through me and helped me overcome the fear that I was feeling.  
"Defeat? You call that a defeat? I brought that giant robot down all on my own. I didn't even need Toko's help!"  
"And how exactly did you manage that? Do you really not understand the most important part?" "Huh?"  
_What is this guy even trying to say?  
_"I shot him with my hacking gun and it went down just like all the other Monokumas! What are you even talking about?"  
He looked genuinely confused for a moment before he answered me with a cold glare. "You used **her** power." _Power? Whose power did I-_  
His next action, immediately put a complete stop to all of my conscious thought.

With an expression on his face that rendered me utterly incapable of making any sense of his emotions, he moved his right hand towards his left.  
In a moment that seemed to drag on for far longer than it really should, he carefully removed the mitten that had been covering up his left hand up until now.  
What I had taken to be an insignificant if unusual fashion statement, turned out to be anything but the harmless piece of attire it had appeared to be.  
_Oh my god... Is that...a woman's hand?  
_Completely frozen, I could do nothing but follow the horrifying sight of his mismatched appendage as he moved it higher and higher up in front of his body.

In an almost loving voice, I heard the man speak more to himself than to me.  
"Unlike me, who had to take **her** power for myself in order to get even the slightest glimpse of it, you awakened to it all on your own. And just like **her**, you used them to shatter my plans in an effort to bring me despair." I remained completely motionless as my eyes darted between the mesmerizing swirls that were dancing in his eyes and the red glint of the perfectly manicured fingernails moving ever close to my face. I honestly couldn't decide which sight was more terrifying to me.  
I had to strain myself to hear the man continue speaking, as my heartbeat had grown increasingly louder in my own ears.

"I never would have expected that the sister of the Ultimate Hope, a completely normal girl by all definitions, would end up being the conduit of **her** will. I suppose that was quite a stroke of bad luck for me, wouldn't you say?" He regarded me silently for a moment, mulling over his next words.  
"Tell me, do you still claim not to have any idea what I am talking about? I find that hard to believe, considering everyone saw the depths of your darkness that day.**"  
**

_I...I never- _The thought never even managed to fully form, as the woman's hand finally made contact with my cheek. _It's cold.  
_Somehow that was all mattered to me at the moment. A hand shouldn't be this cold. It was more than that, however.  
It was as if I could feel death itself burning my cheek under the touch of it. No, it was not burning me, it was...a strangely familiar feeling.  
_It feels **empty.**_

Suddenly, memories returned unbidden.  
I saw myself lying in the blood of hundreds of innocent children whose lives had been ended by my own hands. _No I don't want to see this!  
_It was the image of a girl so utterly broken, that she welcomed her death at the hands of Big Bang Monokuma with an empty smile. _That isn't me! That's not how it happened!_  
A laugh escaped the person that looked like me, but clearly wasn't.  
I knew it wasn't me because the laugh didn't sound anything like it was supposed to sound like.  
I never sounded so...**hollow.**

**"So this...this is Despair."  
**This had to be some sort of trick, right? What was this empty **shell**, that was pretending to be me?  
It couldn't be me. I wasn't supposed to **give up! **_**I never gave up!**_

Yet as I watched the unusual purplish-black truth-bullet make its way toward the massive Monokuma, the dark entity in my head that I had tried to suppress so far slithered it's way toward the forefront of my mind. Despite my unwillingness, it compelled me to watch this lie, this fabrication.  
Big Bang Monokuma started to shut down and my doppelganger looked almost...disappointed?

_NO! I __**hadn't**__ given up! I remained strong and I ended up __**winning**__ the fight all on my own!  
_The darkness inside me seemed to thrash in anger at my resistance. The longer I denied the memories before me, the stronger this beast inside me seemed to become.  
I grit my teeth and tried to fight against my mounting headache as best I could, but it continued to grow stronger and stronger.  
Finally it became to much for me and I had to gave in to the pressure building in my head.  
I had to face the truth.

_**No...I did give up, didn't I?  
**_Finally, as if in sync with Big Bang Monokuma's decaying frame, I could feel the cracked walls of false optimism and feigned ignorance that I had unconsciously built up for days crumble to dust. I could no longer pretend. **Everything** that I had buried away was now washing over me like a flood. A mass of images and emotions assaulted all of my senses.

Among the onslaught however, a strangely familiar set of memories stood out to me above all others. Sparked by my initial curiosity, the other images began to slowly fade into the background until only the images that I had started to focus on remained. Suddenly I realized what I was looking at.  
This was the dream that had woken me up every morning. The dream that I had never been able to remember, and never truly tried to.  
I would no longer be able to escape it.

"You are Hope!" I heard a chorus of voices proclaiming loudly.  
Hundreds of voices continued to repeat that sentence over and over again.  
"You are Hope!" The voices seemed to come from all directions at once and continued to grow louder and louder.  
"YOU ARE HOPE!"

_Yes, I had been Hope...**  
**_I saw the children, terrified of their impending death at my hands. This was what **my hope **had resulted in. Seeing myself as I had been at the end of my fabricated journey, my thoughts echoed the words of the girl that had forced me to confront a truth I had never wanted to believe.  
_**But Hope isn't always a good thing.**_

**That's **what all of this was about in the end wasn't it? I had been shown all the facets of hope, and just what it all could amount to in the end.  
After all that I've been through, I no longer believed that I had in it me to chase a better future in the face of despair. _I'll **never** be like Makoto.  
_I heard the sound of shattering plastic at the same moment, that I resigned myself to that simple truth.

At long last I started to calm down and my mind cleared. I no longer had to pretend to feel hopeful despite what I had been through.  
However I didn't feel like I was filled with despair either. I knew that I would be able to move on from this someday if I simply left all this madness behind me.  
_Just leave me out of all this stuff from now on...  
_Makoto could be the hope of the world if he wanted. I just wanted to be Komaru Naegi now, a normal girl who tried to be someone she wasn't and ended up screwing up.  
That's all I really needed. With that realization, I was brought back to the feeling of a dead hand resting on my cheek.  
It felt warmer now somehow.

Something in my expression must have given away my state of mind, because he started speaking without giving me a chance to voice my thoughts. "Ahh. I see you finally acknowledge your actions to be worthy of someone calling herself the Successor to Junko Enoshima. Now that we have established that, we can finally move on to the important part of our discussion."

Before I could get a word of objection in, he sent my mind reeling once again.  
In a completely nonchalant manner he reached into his hoodie while keeping 'his' left hand steady on my cheek.  
When he brought his hand back into view, the sight of a gun immediately had my heart racing.  
Not just any gun either, it was a revolver like the ones that I had seen in movies, or that one weird manga I had never really gotten into.  
I was desperately trying to think of ways this scenario could play out without ending in my own death, unfortunately I failed completely.  
_He'll kill me..._

As I started to panic, I frantically thought of ways that could stall him. He seemed to like talking, maybe I could think of something if I could make him waste some time.  
"What do you need a gun for? This really doesn't seem like much of a discussion to me, especially since you haven't even given me the chance to talk yet!"  
While my wavering voice lacked the hard edge I had intended, it seemed the point I had made seemed to give him pause nonetheless.  
"Why should I give you time to speak, when your actions already revealed all I needed to know about your true character?" My response was instant, almost instinctive.

"Because in the end all of this is **your** fault!" The words seemed to shock me more than him. _Where exactly did that come from?  
_Despite my initial surprise that I would say something like that to someone threatening me with a gun, another glance towards the deadly weapon removed all my doubts.  
_It doesn't matter either way. If I make him angry or don't say anything at all he'll kill me, but if I keep talking...  
_With that I let go of my reservations, and allowed my words to flow freely from my mouth in what was perhaps my most desperate gamble yet.

"This whole Successor business was your idea wasn't it?" I asked, hoping to probe for anything that might be able to get me out of this situation.  
"Hardly, it was Monaca Towa's idea to mold you into Ultimate Despair." He actually scoffed at the suggestion.  
"Then why did you help her?" The slight pause was all I needed to confirm my suspicions.  
_I knew it! Toko thought the whole thing was suspicious too. _I quickly continued pressing him.  
"Did you really think I would believe that those kids could have managed this all on their own? They might be pretty impressive but they are still just kids.  
From what you told me, it's obvious that you helped them believing that in the end I would somehow become your own personal Ultimate Hope or something!"  
Narrowed eyes bored into mine, the mesmerizing swirls long gone.  
"You wouldn't have 'somehow' become Ultimate Hope, you were going to do so after overcoming the greatest of despair. The failure to grasp true hope in the end was yours, and yours alone. You cannot shift the blame on me now. After all, had you succeeded you would have gladly taken all the credit for yourself."  
His grasp on the gun tightened. I didn't have much time.

_I don't know how to deal with this guy, but I have to do something quick!_  
Honestly, I couldn't tell what possessed me to do what I did next. All I knew was that I felt like I had a good chance to avoid my death at the hands of this guy.  
However I needed to do something absolutely disgusting and terrible first. Something that I never would have even considered, had my very life not been at stake.  
It took me a moment to silence the part of my conscience that still refused to give in to the dark whispers that had started to creep up in my mind.  
_Come on Komaru, don't let this freak get away with everything! If you want to survive stop holding back!_

And so with the most genuine smile I cold muster at the moment, my hands clasped the hand that still lingered on my cheek.  
I ignored my disgust as best I could and spoke softly, careful not to give away my true feelings while my hands held the dead flesh tight. _Don't think about it Komaru, focus!_  
"I am sorry." His eyes widened in shock. "W-What-" I cut him off quickly. "I see now. You are right, of course. I fell into despair at the most important moment of your plan and ruined your chance to bring true hope into the world, didn't I?" While speaking I gave a glance to the gun when the sour feeling in my mouth threatened to overwhelm me.  
_Keep going Komaru, just a little more...  
_

And indeed, his victorious smirk showed me that my improvised trap might work as intended. He chuckled after he regained his composure.  
"Indeed, it seems you finally see the ramifications of your failure. Unfortunately, your regret will not be enough to make up for the despair you brought unto the world."  
He raised his right hand and pointed the gun straight at my head. "There is only one way to erase the darkness in your heart."

_Oh no... _I had intended to make him go on another preachy speech about his plan and then grab his gun while he was distracted, unfortunately that plan seemed to have backfired on me rather spectacularly. Starting to panic, I desperately tried to think of anything I could do to prevent him from pulling the trigger.  
As I struggled in vain for anything that might get me out of this situation, a whisper in the back of my mind gave me a truly baffling idea. There was no way it would ever work.  
_Not like I have any better ideas, I might as well try._  
And so I seized the chance before it was too late.

"You are pointing that thing the wrong way, you know..." He paused for a moment and smiled.  
"Don't worry, I know how to use a gun." I shook my head and took a deep breath to get rid off my doubts.  
"That's not what I meant. I'm not the one you need to erase. It's you." His smile faded and he narrowed his eyes at me.  
"That's a pretty pathetic attempt to manipulate me you know? That wasn't even subtle. You should at least try a little harder."  
I looked him straight in the eyes and threw away any last reservations that I still felt.  
_If I want to survive I have to do this. __**It's the only way...  
**_

"I told you so earlier. The entire thing was ultimately your doing, right? We both know that when I fell into despair at the end, that was the only time my actions went against your plan. And since you planned the whole thing up until the end, doesn't that make it your fault?" My eyes widened when he actually snarled at me.  
"You don't get it do you? My plan was merely part of the background. Ultimately my interventions mean absolutely nothing. What truly matters is that you failed to choose hope when you confronted Monaca. While I intended for you to have sufficiently grown when the time came, the result of your journey was always determined by you, and you alone." While he spoke, I couldn't suppress the smile that was forming on my face. _**I've got you now!  
**__  
_**"Your intentions don't matter, it just matters if you ended up bringing hope into the world!"  
**The words he used earlier seemed to echo in the room after I spoke them back at him. His eyes widened almost comically and the grip on his gun slackened slightly.  
"That...that doesn't mean I-" I cut him off before he could finish.  
**"Unfortunately, your regret will not be enough to make up for the despair you brought unto the world."**

Clearly uncomfortable, he lowered his gun and tried to step back, but since my hands still held his left tightly, he failed to get far. _**You won't get away from me now!  
**_I couldn't even begin to describe the feelings rising up inside me when the man who had threatened me started to lose control of the situation.  
As I watched him squirm, I thought about the fact that it had been **his fault** that I had to suffer through the events in Towa City. Slowly the whispers in the back of my mind seemed to take form and started to rush throughout my veins, bringing a dark sense of satisfaction with them.  
I had been his unwitting pawn for so long but now... _**I am in control.**_ It felt...liberating.

When I saw him open his mouth to speak, I quickly beat him to the punch.  
**"There is only one way to erase the darkness in your heart."  
**My heart was beating loudly in my ears. I wanted to see it. I wanted to see this man suffer the same way he had forced me to suffer.  
This feeling was not wholly unfamiliar to me. I had similar feelings when that masked kid had been taken by the crowd of Monokuma kids.  
Back then had been the first time I ever truly understood the concept of "an eye for an eye". If you cause suffering you deserved to suffer in return.  
That mindset had always been spoken poorly of by our parents when they raised me and my brother, but it seemed like I had not internalized those lessons very well, unlike Makoto who had likely stuck to his principles considering he became the Ultimate Hope.  
_**Well, I promised myself to stop trying to be like him anyway.  
**_And I couldn't deny myself the pleasure it brought me to finally stop being the victim.

When I felt him attempting to bring his arm closer to himself I finally let go of the dead hand. Any remaining disgust towards the appendage had long since faded, and I watched him hugging himself. Had that been all it took to cause him distress? Was he already at the verge of shooting himself?  
I was strangely disappointed at the thought. _**What did I want to happen again?**_

I couldn't seem to remember my initial intentions, however what was going on now definitely felt off somehow. It took me a while to ponder it, but then it dawned on me.  
It wasn't **right**. At this rate I was practically forcing him to kill himself, which didn't sound appealing to me at all.  
The part of my conscience that had been screaming at me to stop for some time now, insisted that it felt that way because it was wrong to do something like that in the first place, but the growing part of myself that felt vindicated and **free **told me something else.  
_**It feels wrong because this isn't enough.**_  
I chose to listen to the latter.

Preparing myself to add the proverbial icing on the cake, I spoke up once more.  
**"The plan was your responsibility, so it falls on you to decide which one of us is the real Ultimate Despair. And to punish them accordingly."  
**That had been what was missing all along. A choice. While I didn't want to die, I couldn't stop myself from doing this. My journey -fake or not- had ended in a choice as well.  
And now I had given the one responsible a choice in return. When he inevitably chose to kill himself instead of me, the irony would be absolutely beautiful.'  
_**Now it's perfect.**_**  
**

"Ha...haha..." The sudden sound of laughter surprised me greatly. "Hahahahahahahahahah!" The crazed laughter continued for longer than I cared for but I remained silent, waiting to hear his choice. "I'm supposed to choose the true Ultimate Despair among us, huh? That's actually quite easy, so you don't have to worry. We'll just let fate judge for us instead."

Unexpectedly he raised his revolver and in a surprisingly dexterous motion he removed a single bullet from the gun without ever using his left arm.  
_He probably can't use that arm to begin with... _Lastly he ran the chamber along his leg to spin it around, before focusing his attention at me again.  
He looked me calmly into my eyes as he spoke.  
"There are five bullets in the gun now, and since we established that I am the instigator here, it seems only fair that the first shot should be directed at my head.  
If I end up surviving, that would definitely mean that I am not to blame and you are truly the legitimate Successor of Junko Enoshima, what do you think?"

Omitting the obvious fact that he would then proceed to kill me, he seemed to await my approval of his suggestion.  
While allowing luck to be the deciding factor in his decision wasn't how I had envisioned it at all, I still gave him an encouraging nod.  
After all, the odds of me surviving this way were pretty much guaranteed. _**A five in six chance of winning is fine.**_

When he pointed the gun at his temple I couldn't help but ask him a question that was long overdue.  
"Just who are you anyway?" A friendly grin plastered his face as he readied himself to shoot.  
"Right. I never introduced myself to you, did I? My name is Nagito Komaeda." _*click* _"And I am the Ultimate Lucky Student."

I was dumbfounded. This guy was an Ultimate? And he just so happened to have the same talent as Makoto? What kind of coincidence was that? _Wait a second, luck?_  
Was that why he survived when he pulled the trigger? _He relied on his talent that much? _Pndering that revelation I realized something else as well. _**He played me.  
**_He deliberately changed the situation I had presented him with to use his talent against me, and I fell for it because I hadn't known about it.  
Had I never been in control of the situation after all? _**He never considered that he would end up shooting himself, did he?**_  
_**  
**_Somehow I didn't feel any anger upon learning that this guy - Nagito - had turned my own trap against me.  
I had attempted to manipulate him, so being manipulated in turn seemed only fair. It was over. _**There is nothing that I can do now...  
**_Nagito seemed to agree, judging by the fact that his gun was now pointed directly at my head.  
_**  
**_As the inevitability of my impending death dawned on me, the rush of emotions that I had felt finally came to an end, and all I was left with was hollow resignation.  
It was the same feeling I had when Big Bang Monokuma was about to end my life not to long ago, which seemed somewhat appropriate considering the circumstances.  
In both situations I had tried to fight against the fate that had been imposed upon me, only to realize that it all amounted to nothing in the end.

No matter how hard I fought, my life was ultimately just going to be part of a larger scheme in the end, wasn't it?  
Even if I somehow managed to escape and run away, people like Nagito, or even the mysterious man that had saved me, would track me down and force me to play the role I had been assigned. The role that I had accepted when I had broken a controller in front of a worldwide audience.  
With that thought, the reality of the situation truly dawned on me for the first time. It didn't matter what I wanted.  
No matter my intentions, the entire world already believed me to be someone I didn't want to be.  
All because I had been unable to resist giving in to my anger towards a little girl.  
_**Things will never go back to the way they had been before...will they?  
**_

Feeling myself stuck between a past I was unable to return to and a future that I was unwilling to face, dying here seemed to be a pretty decent way out of this situation.  
At least this way the few people that might still be willing to believe in me might see my death in a heroic light that might overshadow the last actions of my life.  
Somewhat comforted by that thought, I gave a small nod to indicate that I was ready for all of this to end.  
Seemingly unwilling to pull the trigger just yet however, Nagito decided to speak up.  
"Well, It seems we have finally discovered the truth. Before we end this, why don't you introduce yourself in turn? I know who you are of course, but it really wouldn't be proper otherwise."

I knew what he was doing now. Now that he had won, he would draw his victory out as long as he could. The fact that I seemingly understood the mental processes of a man who had attached the arm of a dead woman to himself, was a worrying indicator to me that I might have already started to slip beyond the realm of sanity myself.  
Since I wanted nothing more than to end this farce already, I decided that I might as well give him what he wanted.  
"My name is Komaru Naegi."

The ensuing silence almost convinced me that Nagito had decided to spare my life after all, but the disapproving look he sent me seemed to indicate otherwise.  
Since he stayed silent it took me a moment to realize what he actually wanted to hear from me.  
Knowing that my next sentence would be my last, I let out a resigned sigh and allowed my emotions to seep into my words as I spoke.  
**"My name is Komaru Naegi...and I am the Ultimate Despair."  
**Upon hearing my declaration, Nagito Komaeda pulled the trigger of his gun with a victorious smile.


	7. Resolve

Silence.

Silence was all that encompassed my entire existence at this very moment. Everything in the room had become unnaturally still and even time itself seemed to have lost all meaning.  
Nagito's finger was still gripping the trigger of his gun tightly, waiting impatiently for the sound of the gunshot that would herald the end of my life and the victory of Hope over Despair in the mad game that he had designed.

Yet nothing of the sort happened.  
To be more precise, nothing happened at all.

_Why am I not dead?_

The question rang uncomfortably in my mind. Was it odd for you to be disappointed when you didn't get shot in the head?  
Because, whatever it was that I was feeling, it certainly didn't feel like what relief should feel like.

_Why am I not dead?_

I had accepted my death at Nagito's hands. Not because I supported his plan, quite the opposite actually, but because I had come to believe that everything about the way I wished to shape my future had been taken out of my hands.  
My desires were never going to play a part in my life ever again. Not after what I had done. **What everyone had seen me do**.

I just wanted it to **end.**  
I just wanted to be **free.**

_Why...why...__**why?**_

Who wanted to live a life that was out of their control? A life destined to spread despair throughout the world, no less? With those thoughts in mind, I had embraced the only way I had seen out of that nightmare despite my lingering fear of death.  
I had been ready. I had **wanted to...**

_Why did this have to happen, **again?**_

This whole situation felt eerily similar to the aftermath of my fight with Big Bang Monokuma.  
Then too, had I seen my death as inevitable and even preferable to survival.  
Then too, had I escaped the clutches of death despite all odds.  
The last time my life had been about to end, a mysterious young man in a suit had intervened on my behalf only a moment before it was too late.  
The cause of my survival had been quite clear to me.

This time however, no last second interference from a third party had been responsible for my unexpected survival, nor did Nagito have an unexpected change of heart at the last second, causing him to stop himself from pulling the trigger  
or even missing me on purpose.

No, that certainly wasn't what happened.  
The fact that the barrel of his revolver was still firmly pointed at the space between my eyes, and the incredulous expression that he now wore, told me as much.  
When Nagito's hand started shaking and his face began to pale, I knew that his thoughts undoubtedly mirrored my own.

_Why am I not dead?_

_Why did **nothing** happen?  
_Despite Nagito's intentions no gunshot had shattered the silence of the room.  
The weapon had simply failed to fire, seemingly broken for no apparent reason.  
_**Why?**_  
_  
_There hadn't been anything unusual when he pulled the trigger the first time, well besides the fact that he had done so knowing that he had a five in six chance of killing himself, anyway.  
So why would that very same gun then suddenly stop working when it was about to kill me only minutes later?  
_**This** **isn't right...**_

A mass of confusing, uncomfortable emotions balled up inside of me, which made the struggle to understand that thought incredibly difficult.  
What was wrong with me? While my survival was unexpected, shouldn't I feel... relief when I realized that I was still alive?  
Was I actually disappointed?

_**No...  
**_  
I could tell for a fact that the source of my discomfort wasn't my unexpected survival.  
It was something else that was bothering me although I couldn't put that feeling into words no matter how much I tried and every time it felt like I came close I felt like I was suffocating in thick smoke.

Despite this, I paid no heed to my discomfort and stubbornly continued trying anyway.  
I just couldn't ignore the ball of anxiety growing in my chest that seemed to scream at me that something was completely and utterly wrong.

**Broken.  
**  
Was it the world?

Or was it **me?**  
I had to know no matter what.

While I pursued the annoying uncertainty inside of me, I almost failed to notice that Nagito had lowered his gun completely. With a haunted look in his face he dropped the weapon to the floor, not even bothering to put it back into his hoodie.  
Transfixed, I watched as his breathing gradually became harsh and uneven, slowly worsening the longer he looked at me.  
Eventually, when it seemed that his condition couldn't possibly get any worse, he started clawing at his head as if he was in great pain.  
Finally he collapsed to his knees and stilled, his raspy breathing being the only indicator that he was even still alive.

Observing Nagito's breakdown seemed to somehow bring some clarity to my own thought process, so I remained silent as I watched him muttering to himself under his breath.  
_This time he's different._

Since I was able to compare him to the last time I had seen him have a breakdown, the difference was quite apparent to me.  
Earlier it had seemed to me that my desperate words had caused him to become distressed for a short while, only for that to then quickly change into genuine mirth at my expense; quickly changing the situation to his favor as if nothing had happened in the first place. It had felt like a short lived victory, but a victory nonetheless.

I could see now that I had fallen for a ruse. Whether my words had any effect on him at all didn't even matter.  
Nagito had been playing around with me. Our meeting was always fated to end the same way: With Nagito's gun against my head and me waiting for my death.

This time however was clearly different. There was no acting involved, of that I was sure.  
This was genuine pain. _No, it is more than that..._

**This was despair**.

Nagito looked absolutely miserable, however no matter how hard I tried I couldn't bring myself to pity him at all.  
Any empathy I might have felt towards him at some point had long since been erased when I learned of all the things that I knew he was responsible for.  
What he had put **me** through.

_He definitely deserves this, but..._  
Watching Nagito, who still looked as though the world was slowly crumbling to pieces around him, caused a truly odd thought to surface in my mind.  
_This is... **too** **easy**..._

Somehow that seemed to be the greatest issue I could find with the way things were currently playing out. Nevertheless I recognized it as the source of the nagging discomfort I was feeling.  
Finally, after looking at Nagito for a little while longer, I managed to put my emotions into words.

I didn't like the fact, that I wasn't the one who was responsible for his suffering.

Just a short while ago, I would have vehemently denied even having such thoughts, but now...  
_I won't turn away from my **true** **feelings** anymore!_

How could I, after the liberation I had experienced when I had let go of my inhibitions before?  
Even if those sentiments had been the result of a lie and even if they scared me quite a bit, I couldn't bring myself to look away anymore, could I?  
Struggling with myself, I remembered the words Makoto had spoken to me some time after he had gone to Hope's Peak Academy.

_'If you want to be truly happy in your life I think it is important to accept yourself for who you truly are first. Even the parts that you don't like._ _No, especially the parts you don't like.  
After all you can't change something about yourself if you refuse to view them as a part of you in the first place.'_

While I had decided to stop trying to emulate Makoto and I was certain that he had spoken about the other Ultimates he had met in the school and not me, it seemed oddly appropriate now.  
That sentiment - those words - refused to leave my mind.  
And so, I decided.

No matter what, I wouldn't allow myself to go back to pretending like nothing had changed.  
That I, even after all the things I had been a part of, didn't feel the voices screaming for retribution in my head.

No, I wouldn't pretend anymore.  
_  
_Even if in the eyes of others those dark whispers inside of me should never exist in the first place.  
Even if Makoto and all the people I loved turned their back on me for it.  
Even if I scared myself.

_I won't look away._  
_I won't **pretend **anymore!  
I won't be able to truly **accept** **myself** otherwise..._

The fact of the matter was that I wanted to see Nagito like this. Actually, I had to admit to myself that Nagito's current state still didn't satisfy me.  
And while the part of me that had yearned to see him hurt certainly enjoyed the spectacle, it also writhed in anger because all of this had happened because of something completely and utterly unpredictable.  
Something I never could have anticipated or planned for.

In fact, I hadn't done anything at all.  
I had never even needed to try.  
_Ahh...I see now.  
_  
It was that fact above all others that shook me to my core. Once again, I had been a plaything of fate, which was exactly what I had been desperately trying to escape from in the first place.  
The only reason I was even still here now was because of a stupid fluke...a massive coincidence...a stroke of **luck**.

For a moment I saw Makoto's smiling face instead of the catatonic man in front of me and I couldn't help but give a sardonic smile. "The Ultimate **Lucky** Student, huh?"  
My comment seemed to snap Nagito out of his stupor, causing him to focus all of his attention back on me. I could tell that he was still completely overwhelmed by the fact that his meticulous plan had been thwarted by the whims of fate.  
That this was the one thing he hadn't anticipated to happen. I suppose we had that much in common at least. As my eyes met his, I knew that now was my chance.

If there was ever going to be a time where my words would have any significant effect on him, it was now. Seeing that the tables had turned, my desire to make Nagito suffer once again threatened to overwhelm me, however the fact that he was already clearly distressed made me hesitate. Despite all of the things he had done and what I might have thought about him, I couldn't help but question myself whether I was truly willing to push him any further. There was no question in my mind that Nagito deserved his comeuppance. I was, however, still uncomfortable about being the one who would give him that final push.  
My gut feeling told me that if I started speaking now, I might actually start walking down the path I had unwittingly found myself on.

_What should I do?  
What would Makoto- **NO!  
What do I 'want' to do?**_

My hesitation lasted only for a moment and I spoke. "So, I guess you never even thought about what it would mean if we both survived, right?"  
Nagito didn't answer, however his tensed shoulders and continued silence clearly gave away his state of mind.  
_No matter what I say now, he will probably believe it..._  
_  
_The whispers in my heart that demanded sweet retribution had never been as strong as they were now. And the words they spoke to me rang true in my heart.  
All it would take were a couple of words and I could force Nagito into the deepest depths of Despair. I could make him do anything...  
My words, if I chose them carefully, could make him end his own life, causing him to succumb to the very darkness that he had forced upon me. I had the power to choose his destiny.  
Once more I held the power over life and death in my own hand.

Suddenly, I felt as if I was holding the Monokuma controller again.  
The echo of my own shouting rang throughout my mind.  
_'I don't give a damn anymore! I don't give a damn!'_  
When I heard the sound of shattering plastic, I knew the words I was going to use.  
I took a breath and continued to speak over the sound of my erratically beating heart.

"You are the Ultimate Lucky Student, right? Doesn't that title mean that whatever happens to you is going to end up being in your best interest? In that case, the fact that we both survived means that it is the best possible outcome for you, isn't it?  
It's what you **really wanted **to happen all along." Having experience with Makoto's unique brand of luck myself, I knew that I wasn't exactly stating the truth of the matter, especially if Nagito's version of 'Ultimate Luck' manifested itself differently from my brother's. Nevertheless my appeal to his talent seemed to have the intended effect as some life returned back to Nagito's face and I could practically see the gears in his head start turning. _Okay, now is my chance!_

"What do you think you should do now? You don't actually **want** to kill me anymore, right? Now that I survived your little game are you just going to change sides and start working against Hope?"  
I waited in tense anticipation as Nagito swallowed, cleared his throat, and finally replied. "No." He spoke in a surprisingly stern tone.  
"That's not how it works. I'm still going to do what I need to in order to spread Hope throughout the world. That will never change. I just..."  
When he didn't continue speaking, I gently coaxed him. "That's fine and all, but what **are you** going to do then? What's your next step in your crusade for Hope going to be? What does it mean for you if fate itself wants Despair to survive?"

Nagito, who was lost in thought, didn't respond for a while and the ongoing silence caused me to question my choice of words despite my earlier confidence. Had I perhaps pushed him too hard? Not hard enough?  
I resisted the urge to say more, afraid that interrupting Nagito's thought process would do me more harm than it would end up helping. As foolish as it might have been, I had deliberately refrained from trying to take his choice away from him.  
Keeping his luck-based actions in mind, the possibility that he would simply leave me be after losing his 'bet' had seemed quite possible, and choosing to do so on his own volition would not only make it unlikely that he would change his mind later, but more importantly it also seemed to satisfy that foreign, unidentifiable urge that had risen inside me once again.

Once more I felt the phantom sensation of plastic in my hands. _This...__**this**__ is how it __**should be.  
**_A fateful choice. A life at stake.

As Nagito remained silent the gears in my mind seemed to spin faster and faster with an increasing amount of ways that he could still cause me grief if he so chose.  
Despite these disturbing thoughts I felt an odd, calm sense of detachment, as if these scenarios didn't even involve me and I was merely a curious bystander in this situation.  
While I was still feeling anything but comfortable, the emotion stemmed from his continued silence rather than the multitude of possible cruel futures that popped into my mind.

Gradually, my apprehension gave way to annoyance in the face of Nagito's unresponsive form.  
With narrowing eyes, I mentally urged him on. _Come on! Say __**something**__!  
_But still his silence dragged on. Nagito simply kept looking right through me, as if he couldn't bring himself to speak at all now.  
Finally my patience wore thin, and with an irritated huff I ended the silence in the room myself.

"Well, are you just going to sit there all day? My question wasn't all that hard, what do you intend to do now? **Tell me already!**"  
My forceful words had the intended effect. Nagito was finally looking at me and I could immediately tell why he had chosen not to say anything.  
It wasn't that he had any trouble coming up with his answer, or that my words had been insufficient.  
He simply didn't like the conclusion he had come to. I could practically see the distaste for the words that had yet to leave his tongue, emanating from his very being.  
_  
He knows that he lost at his own game. __**I've won**__, he just won't admit it yet.  
_The thought that only his stubbornness delayed the official announcement of my victory, roused almost forgotten memories from the time before my imprisonment in Towa City.  
As my gaze rested on Nagito's slumped form, I was overwhelmed by a sudden sense of nostalgia and longing when, once again, my thoughts drifted to my brother.

Over the years the two of us had countless arguments, some of them over the most trivial of things, yet neither of us was ever quick to give in because of our shared stubbornness.  
Despite the fact that he usually tended to be somewhat meek towards other people, even more so than I, Makoto could be surprisingly forceful when he wanted to. Especially when he thought himself to be in the right on the matter at hand.  
Whenever I was close to winning one of those more heated arguments, he would end up making a face that seemed to be halfway stuck somewhere between stubborn determination and pouting child.  
A face that Nagito was currently showing himself, in a hauntingly accurate replication of my brother.

Almost subconsciously, I spoke as I would always speak to Makoto in these situations and my words left my lips in a far more tender tone than I thought Nagito deserved.  
"Come on! You know that this is over just as much as I do. The least you could do is accept the conclusion we've come to and spare us both some time!"  
Usually, that would have been all that I needed to say whenever I wanted to bring a swift end to our stalemates since Makoto, who at heart was always more than eager to return to our usual status quo as loving siblings, would then simply take a calming breath and quickly concede the point rather than stubbornly prolong our squabble.

I had half expected Nagito to follow Makoto's example, however he simply clenched his functioning hand, swallowed once, and then acted as if I hadn't said anything at all.  
For some reason, it was this almost casual dismissal above all else that managed to rub me the wrong way.

_Why do I even bother?_

I knew what Nagito was like, he had done nothing to conceal his true character after all, so why was I trying so hard to treat him like he would suddenly have a change of character?  
What had I really expected to happen? That he would realize the error of his ways? Apologize?

_No...he will __**never**__ change._

From deep within me I could feel a cold sensation slowly building up. No, it felt more like something that had been keeping me warm had suddenly been ripped away from me and I only now realized how freezing it was.  
It felt like a glacier was slowly creeping through my bloodstream.

_Why...why did I...?_

As if the slowly spreading sensation in my veins woke me up from a deep slumber, I was forced to realize just why exactly I had even attempted to influence Nagito in the way I had in the first place.  
Almost in mockery I heard the echo of the words Nagito had spoken before. '_You wouldn't have 'somehow' become Ultimate Hope, you were going to do so after overcoming the greatest of despair.'  
_

It wasn't because I had seen the good in him and wanted to provide him the opportunity to redeem himself, nor had it been any other reason that could be interpreted as noble.  
No, it was because I was a coward. A part of me had hoped against all reason that Nagito might be able to provide me with some miraculous escape from the consequences of my own actions.  
The overwhelming regret I felt over breaking the Monokuma controller had driven my actions without me even realizing it.  
Nagito had been the instigator behind everything after all, so the hope that he could simply undo all of it whenever he wished had never really left me.

_He was my last hope..._

The coldness I felt in my veins had spread to all of my limbs now, each passing heartbeat another part of my journey though Towa City flashed through my mind.  
All the things that he had put me through, one by one, left little shards of burning ice inside of my chest. Only now, when he was kneeling apathetically before me, did I realize his true nature.  
This wasn't a mastermind who held everyone trapped in an inescapable web, nor was he somehow beyond the reach of ordinary people. _No,_ _**he **__doesn't even have the __**resolve**__ to see this through too the end..._

The cold numbness was slowly closing in towards my heart.  
_I can't ever escape what I did..._

_He was my last hope...__**and now he is my despair.**_

With every passing moment that Nagito continued to stay unresponsive, the part of me that merely wanted him to admit defeat and leave me alone was being overtaken by the dark whispers that I had forcibly kept silent until now.  
I pictured him in my place at the top of Towa Tower, controller in hand. What would **he** have done?  
Stand there frozen like an idiot? Hesitate, crying and indecisive in the face of pain?

I saw myself breaking the controller, tears on my face.  
I saw myself resigned to death at the hands of Big Bang Monokuma.  
I saw myself desperate to sway Nagito in any way I could.  
I saw myself accepting death a second time when a gun was pointed at my forehead.

No matter what, I had never just...stopped the way Nagito was doing now, had I?  
I vowed to myself that I never would.  
I would never become that weak, that lost, no matter what it took.  
I vowed to myself that even if I lost everything else that made me Komaru Naegi...  
_**I won't stop moving forward! I will see this through to the end, no matter what!  
**_

It was then, as if something inside me had only been waiting for that thought, that my heart finally gave in to the burning ice inside my chest.  
**  
"Pathetic."  
**I spoke without thinking. Perhaps it was the tone of my voice but Nagito actually flinched at the word. Suddenly, Nagito didn't seem to even matter anymore.  
Or, to be more accurate, the only emotion that I could feel towards the man kneeling in front of me, who was staring into my eyes with a vulnerable expression that was truly starting to grate on my nerves, was the feeling one would get from a particularly annoying housefly. He was nothing more than a nuisance, just asking to be squashed. And I wanted nothing more than to finally rid myself of this lowly pest.  
Throwing away any lingering hesitation, I let the words that clawed at me inside of my numb heart flow freely.

**"You really are worthless aren't you? There is no Hope in someone like you. Are you sure that you are actually an Ultimate Student? It wouldn't surprise me if you just made that up."  
**The twitch in Nagito's face and his shuddering, quiet intake of breath, showed me that I had successfully struck a nerve. Emboldened by this success I quickly continued my verbal assault.  
**"You told me that you would spread Hope in the world by killing me, yet here you are kneeling at my feet. Although, it seems appropriate that you would do so.  
After all, you are nothing more than a simple servant, aren't you?" **I knelt down to look him directly into his eyes.

**"Despite all of your confidence, you can't kill me. We have proven that already.** **Do you know why? Because even your supposed talent has abandoned you in order to protect me.  
Your luck, your Hope, they are all on my side and you know it."  
**Struck by my words, Nagito seemed to barely notice when I picked up his gun from the floor next to him and pushed it into his hand.  
**"When you can't make the choice yourself, the choice is already made for you."  
**Giving his hand a little squeeze, I stood back up and gave him some space. Holding my arms out to my side in an inviting gesture I gave him one last push.  
**"Go on. Show me that you can be more than a servant to Despair. Prove to me that you really know where true Hope lies."  
**  
This was it. With excited anticipation I awaited Nagito's reaction. While he had simply brushed of my words before, somehow I was absolutely certain that this time I would receive an answer.  
The thought alone was enough to put a smile on my face. It didn't even matter to me what the answer would be. While there were countless ways that this could play out, the only important fact to me was that he would either kill me or let me live. Either way I wouldn't have to deal with this situation anymore and I felt that was more than enough for me now.

No matter what I had already **won**.

It took him a couple of seconds but Nagito managed to compose himself at last.  
"No matter what you or anyone else says, I am an Ultimate chosen by Hope's Peak Academy."  
He was practically talking to himself, staring right through me, not even managing to make eye contact. The thought that my gaze alone may be unsettling to him of all people was...**thrilling**.

"I am the Ultimate Lucky Student. Since you are Makoto's sister it shouldn't have surprised me that you know how my talent works. No matter what tragedy occurs, no matter the horrific Despair that surrounds me, my talent always guides me towards Hope in the end." His gaze focused on me for only a moment before he continued.  
"Even when my plan to shape you into a second Ultimate Hope failed, I never despaired. In fact..." He chuckled humorlessly to himself. "I had anticipated your failure all along. After all, how could I truly expect someone so average like you to succeed?"

Nagito managed an empty smile and finally managed to look at my face, although he still avoided direct eye contact with me. He quickly lost his smile when he realized that my silent stare was the only response he was going to get from me at this point. "Perhaps it was foolish of me to expect my original plan to work as I intended in the first place but even so I couldn't help but feel disappointed when you failed at the very end of your journey.  
Despite that setback I took no issue with the way it turned out. I knew what had to be done. If I couldn't groom you into an embodiment of Hope, then I would make you the tragically killed heroine who failed in her quest.  
Such a despairing end to your tale would have rallied the world against Despair!" Nagito who had gotten quite...enthusiastic at this point, suddenly turned somber.

"But I failed." He shook his head, almost as if he couldn't believe it himself.  
"I failed as I so often do, only this time, if only for a little while, I truly believed that the path towards Hope had been lost to me. I am deeply ashamed of myself for my weak conviction in my talent.  
Such behavior is unbecoming of someone who claims to be an Ultimate; I can see that you think so as well."

Finally, Nagito managed to meet my eyes. Instead of the dead, empty look that he had shown before, now his eyes shone with a new conviction rivaling the intensity he had when we began our exchange.  
That desperate darkness swirled within them once again.

Despite the intensity of his gaze the sight of it was oddly soothing to me.  
The cold rage simmering inside of me changed into a sense of deep satisfaction that I had trouble understanding. It was, however, accompanied by a very simple thought.  
_He has finally reached his answer. _  
_**And it was all because of me.**_

Unaware of my thought process, Nagito continued speaking in a tone that didn't convey even a hint of any of his previous distress.**  
**"I see now that you are absolutely right. You are not supposed to die by my hands, nor am I meant to stop you in any way. Killing you now would not unite the world against Despair, not after what you have done.  
I miscalculated. Your decision to end the lives of all those children was supposed to signal the tragic end of a heroine." He laughed madly.

"But instead it heralded the rebirth of the true Ultimate Despair. You are but a fledgling yet I already feel as if **she** was standing in my way again." He looked at his dead arm.  
"Once more there is only one way I can serve True Hope in the end. My talent truly never ceases to torture me with it's ironies."  
He bowed to me as I imagined a butler would to his master. "A lowly servant indeed."

I raised an eyebrow at his declaration. "**My **servant you mean?" He nodded.  
"Indeed, just as I served the one before you, I must aid you until the day that Hope vanquishes your Despair."

While I wasn't entirely happy to be compared to Junko Enoshima, I had no room to complain.  
I **had** used her title to my benefit after all. Far more intriguing to me was his apparent switch of allegiance.  
_He wants to spread Hope, so he wants to help __**me**__ because I'm Despair?  
_I had imagined him to do all kinds of things, but to join me in servitude? That had been truly unexpected. Looking him over however it seemed that he was sincere.

"So, I can order you around and you'll just...obey?" I asked, uncertain whether or not I should accept this at face value.  
"Well, I would be very grateful if you didn't ask me to kill myself or something like that. That would just unnecessarily waste what my service could offer you, after all."  
While I was certainly curious whether he would actually kill himself if I ordered him to, that was certainly a very enticing outcome for me at the moment, I had a far better idea just how I could best make use of an Ultimate Lucky Student.  
At the very least it would get him out of my hair if he followed through.

"I want you to find my parents." Judging by the stunned expression on his face he hadn't expected that to be the thing I would come up with. "That's your request? Hmm, I was expecting something more...dramatic from the new Ultimate Despair."  
I ignored him. Recalling how it felt when he had been broken on the ground in front of me, I spoke as firmly as I could. "You weren't lying to me when you told me that I didn't see my dead parents, right?"  
Nagito shook his head. "No, but as I said that doesn't mean that-"

"Then that's my **order**. You **will** find my parents and you **will **bring them to me. And you **won't harm them**, understand?" I noticed his smile had slipped when I mentioned that last part.  
_I guess he had been hoping for some kind of loophole. What was it that Toko had told me when we met? Your ally isn't automatically your friend. I see how this is going to work._

"What if I can't find them? What if they are dead?" Nagito asked.  
"If you **are **an Ultimate you **will** find them. When you do, bring them to me... **safely**. Should they be dead after all... bring me their killers instead."  
"Unharmed?" I hesitated. "Well enough for me to speak with them." Nagito smiled.  
"You really do have it in you, after all. I'm looking forward to seeing just how far you will have come when I return. I suppose I'll be on my way then. Unless there's anything else?"  
I shook my head. "Just go already."

Waving a friendly goodbye Nagito left my room without any further fuss.  
And just like that he was gone and I was alone once more. In the ensuing silence the reality of what just transpired slowly started sinking in.  
With no one left to target but myself my chaotic emotions crashed into me, leaving me torn between pride, confusion, elation, anger and countless other conflicting feelings all at once.  
I had to sit down on the bed when this whirlwind of sensations threatened to overwhelm me. Finally, just when I thought that I might actually pass out, I instinctively found a way to release my building discomfort.

"Ha ha..." Starting with a weak laugh at first, I soon started falling into a full blown laughing fit. "Ha ha ha** ha!"  
**The more I laughed the more I found the situation to be unbelievably hilarious.  
**"Ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HA HA HA HA HA HA!"**  
I lost track of time as I continued laughing, holding my sides in a display that would make Genocide Jack proud.  
After what was probably only a few minutes which, felt to me like it might as well have been weeks, I had finally calmed down leaving me lying breathless on the bed feeling suddenly quite empty.

I don't know how long I just rested on the comfortable mattress until my next coherent thought formed. _So...what now?_  
It felt like I was weightless now, like all restrictions had been lifted from me. Or perhaps I had just gotten that much stronger?  
Regardless, I felt the overwhelming need to do something, anything to occupy my time. Looking around the room I quickly located the pile of manga I had been going through so far.  
I was about to reach for it but I quickly stopped myself. Thinking of Nagito's breakdown and the vow I had made to myself, I looked at the door.

_**Always moving forward.**_  
The words echoed loudly in my mind.

Steeling myself, I made my way to the exit I had never been able to bring myself to open.  
The very same door that had never been locked. I glared at it despite the fact that it really didn't matter.  
This stupid thing might as well be shouting my own weakness to the world. The weakness I had burrowed deeply in my soul for days.  
I raised my hand and then, without shaking or hesitation I managed to grab the handle tightly.'

**Always moving forward.**

I didn't know what awaited me on the other side and, frankly, I didn't even care.  
The restlessness I had felt before had given way to a singular desire. A burning conviction  
No matter what awaited me beyond this door, even if I had to go through a dozen Towa Cities, I would always remember Nagito collapsed on the ground and the vow I had made.

I pulled down the handle.  
**Always moving forward.  
**And opened the door wide open.

"It seems I must reevaluate you after all, Komaru Naegi."  
The sight of my suited young savior just behind the door had certainly come as a complete surprise to me.  
Red glowing eyes looked at me with a narrowed expression.

"You seem adamant about changing my impression of you every time I come to a definite conclusion. At least that fact about you resembles Junko Enoshima to an uncanny degree."  
He tilted his head and the resulting movement of his long hair was oddly mesmerizing to me. "Follow me. There are some things to take care of and I will not be able to do so without you."  
His tone made it clear that I would have no choice in the matter. Still somewhat stunned by the unexpected encounter I shook my head in exasperation.  
It seemed as if the world wasn't intending to take it's time to test my resolve. _I guess I'll just go along with it for now._

"Okay, I'll follow you but can you at least tell me what we are doing?" I stepped past him into a barren hallway and motioned for him to take the lead.  
He obliged and after making sure that I had kept following him past several ruined rooms and down a nearby damaged staircase, he stopped next to the door that would lead us outside.  
"Claiming your title." I froze, expecting him to explain himself further but got only silence and a meaningful nod to the exit. I sighed. _Guess I'll see where this is going soon enough.  
_  
I couldn't quite stop myself from smiling in anticipation as I opened the door.  
_**No matter what,**_ _**I'll just keep moving forward!**_


End file.
